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29 de setembro de 2015

amo-te ou amei-te?
como me referir a um corpo que partiu
mantê-lo por aqui ou fingir que nunca se viu?
o máximo que me aproximo é em flashbacks desfocados
tão longe da verdade
será que me esqueço de ti com a idade?
das tuas mãos sempre suadas com as preocupações que tinhas
a tua cara sempre enrugada pelas dores das outras vidas
ensinaste-me a amar, não há como voltar
e onde ponho os abraços que tinha para te dar
e que o vento me segure as lágrimas
e que eu consiga manter escondidas as garras
que me nasceram para o mundo
eles não têm culpa
não, mas eles não sabem do meu luto
e que o tempo me leve as lembranças desfocadas
se já não te posso tocar prefiro nem ver nada
tenho-te nos reflexos das minhas expressões faciais
será por isso que encontro no espelho um inimigo?
ou um abrigo
és tão bonita
lembras-te há uns anos
tinhas tanta vida
agora tu estás morta
e eu não sei o que é a vida.
sempre foste a preferida...
volta à minha vida...
sinto-a de partida.
alguém toca à campainha…

rés do chão esquerdo, 23 de maio,
domingo, na amadora

agora esta casa sabe onde o Céu mora

27 de setembro de 2015

And darling you can't keep blaming devil for all of your sins
He may have opened the door
but it was you who walked in

19 de agosto de 2015

mistaken over me

We have hearts that have been haunted for longer than what we can remember
We have faced things that could easily have made us surrender
But instead, we kept growing stronger
We are living in a battlefield
The wars we find ourselves in don't bring guns or deaths
But trust me, they include a good amount of tears shed
Tell me all the things about you baby, I'm on cloud nine
I just need your stories and the bottle of red wine
I watch you as you grab that cigarette in the point of your tips
You are right about you I'm not like all these other chicks
The streets have always felt more like home to me than 4 walls ever could
I may sound fool, but when I'm homesick baby I miss the moon
Our ghosts cover us like a stubborn stain
We hide them under doses of cocaine
If only we could explain
We already bought the ticket for this dangerous train
They judge our drug use like they don't have their own
They pretend it isn't the same, that attachment they have to Love
Us and them aren't so different after all,
And when they realize it its when they hate you the most
The clock is ticking baby
It's time for another dose
I wish this wasn't the only thing that could make me feel something
Maybe by now I would be changing, I live my life wanting it
But when I'm not high I swear I can hear my heart crushing
And baby, call me fool, but I hope in nights of full moon that living in my own skin wouldn't make me feel so dull

9 de agosto de 2015

the twist

The ink of the pen of which I write with is dry
Slowly fading as it is my mind
I’ve been bad, gone and away
Weeks pass by me in a terrible way
Owner of dangerous pleasures,
Smoking is one, could you guess the rest?
Oh lord, I’m afraid of who am I becoming
You know, it’s a strange, strange feeling
That this life only tastes like dying
And if music nor love can’t save us
Maybe ecstasy can do us the favor

And it shows
The strangest connection I’ve had in months
A special mind I wish no harm could ever reach
A fragile body no bad stuff should ever touch
How could I not love you this much?

We’ll slowly dance as you take me to that unknown place
You taste (quite) like home to this homeless wonder

How your words transfigure into far, far clouds
How your thoughts could get me more addicted than any of those drugs

Baby we need no happily ever afters
We need nobody, we got each other

And all of your should’s and could’s
Bring just the right amount of doubt
to my certainty
If this isn’t it, I don’t know what can be

No promises of future,
No stories written before us
You don’t need to bother

Baby, no worries, no harm, we got each other

28 de julho de 2015

"Dois corpos, um quarto e a solidão para partilhar"

5 de julho de 2015

dear future self

Future is scary. And I'm afraid of every part of it.

So far, I've always knew how my life would be like. I had defined goals. I knew what kind of person I wanted to become. I knew how the next day would be like. I enjoyed being lost from time to time. I enjoyed being lost because I knew I would find myself afterwards. 
Now, I don't have an idea of what comes next.

Someone told me ''don't suffer so much. People like you don't end up in nothing''. And instead of feeling proud, I cried for 3 hours straight. I don't know anymore what is like to be ''someone like me''. I could easily be one of those who gives up into alchol. Or drugs, Or suicide. Sometimes I even imagine it. But there's always some kind of hidden force that pulls me back to reality. Like, next week there's a party I wanna go. Or, I wanna live to see my college years. I delay my death every day, even when we are all walking towards it at every step.

Future is scary, It's like something is coming - a change in the weather. A big storm. But you know, there's always a chance it is a bright sunny day.

''I can see clearly now, the rain is gone''...
You're a fighter boy, it's written in your existance
But you would give me the victory with no resistance.

I own the shiver your body offers
and without permission you walked into these troubled waters.

We were never ethical
but you have just the right amount of bad
to make a girl feel glad.

I can sense the way you see me
It's not real.
You think you love me,
but let me tell you,
you're wrong.

There's nothing here to like.
You won't find it searching through my bones.
You won't find it checking into my bruises.

You say my smile looks like vacations
and that my eyes take you to unknown destinations

I'm not a lottery ticket you can win.
I'm not a lucky strike that gazzes upon you
I'm not a wish you can ask in a shooting star
I'm a one way ticket in a destination you should be running from

And if this feeling has an end,
can you bring it?

And if this feeling has an end,
would you kill it?

I have loved you every since we first met. I have loved you with all I've got. I have loved you with whoever I was with. I have loved you with all these other boys and all these other tears and all these other drugs. It was always you.